9 CHARACTERISTICS OF A WOMAN IN RECOVERY
1. She has a basic self-regard (esteem), even while wanting to change parts of herself, which she nurtures and expands.
A woman can sit with herself through uncomfortable stages of change with an internalized belief she is improving; a woman's ability to walk through discomfort with out engaging in unhealthy behavior or relapse.

2. She tries to accept others as they are without trying to change them to meet her needs.
A woman’s intolerance of others is a direct reflection of how well she is tolerating and accepting herself. Intolerance stems from anger, self-pity, resentment and fear. Acceptance and tolerance are two attributes gained through remaining abstinent, working a consistent program of recovery, and completing the 12 Steps of Recovery.

3. She is in touch with her feelings and attitudes about life, including her sexuality.
When a woman has found that she no longer fears intimacy, others, and herself then she has discovered freedom. Freedom from a past of guilt and shame leaves her available to others and God without self-centeredness

4. She tries to validate her self as much as possible, rather than searching for a relationship to give her a sense of self-worth. She does not need to be needed in order to feel worthy.
True self-esteem means that a person has enough self-confidence to not need the approval of others. If she places her importance in this world on another’s view of herself than there is always room for it to be taken from her.

5. She is willing to be known at a deeply personal level, but she also does not expose herself to the exploitation of those who are not interested in her well-being. She is open with appropriate people.
Everyday both men and women take personal risks with significan others, peers, friends, and family. There are two kinds of risks: empty risks and healthy risks. Empty risks are also known as temporary band-aids, which make it impossible to harvest healthy relationships. An empty risk is making yourself vulnerable to a peer who will ridicule, judge and demean you for your truth.
Healthy risks are rewarded by purpose, meaning, and supportive interpersonal relationships. A healthy risk is sharing private information with a loved one or peer who will respect, encourage, and support you through a learning experience.

6. She asks herself, “Is this relationship good for me? Does it enable me to grow into all that I am capable of being?”
There is a misunderstanding that a healthy relationship consists of “you, me, and we.” This is untrue. The “we” in that statement suggests enmeshments, which is detrimental to recovery. A healthy relationship consists of 3 aspects: “Me, You, and Me and You”. The “You and Me” aspect of the relationship is where two partners share their goals, hopes, and dreams and support each other in carrying those aspirations through.


7. When a relationship becomes destructive, she is able to let go of it. She has a circle of friends from whom she can receive support.
Detachment is a woman taking an honest look at her current and unhealthy relationship and having the ability to let go of the commitment with the intention of caring for her own well being. Remaining in a destructive relationship despite a broken threshold of pain, fear, and betrayal does not produce self-worth or a healthy relationship.

8. She knows that a relationship, in order to work, must be between partners who share and support each other in values, interests, and goals and who each have the ability to be intimate.

9. She values her own serenity above all else. All the struggle, drama, and chaos of the past have lost their appeal. She is protective of herself, her health, and well-being.
WARNING: If you can relate to anything included in number nine you are on your way to living with serenity, peace of mind, and emotional sobriety.

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